


not what ships are built for

by visiblemarket



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: As you do, Get together fic, M/M, Misunderstandings, clandestine handjobs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-15
Updated: 2018-01-05
Packaged: 2018-06-02 11:26:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6564370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/visiblemarket/pseuds/visiblemarket
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>He ran into Finn on the way back to his quarters; Finn took one look at him and grabbed his arm, dragging Poe into a supply closet before he could do anything to stop him.</i>
</p><p>  <i>He looked at Finn, baffled; Finn looked back at him, hopeful.</i></p><p>  <i>“Wow,” he heard himself say. "Deja vu."</i></p><p>  <i>Finn blinked at him. “What?"</i></p><p>  <i>Poe smiled a little. “Is this a rescue?”</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [this prompt](http://tfa-kink.dreamwidth.org/1082.html?thread=85818#cmt85818) on the kink meme but then it turned into A Thing so it, uh, may take some time to hit all the points.

He left the debrief with his head pounding from sheer frustration and his jaw aching from the effort of keeping his mouth shut. Military discipline and respect for General Organa was one thing; having to justify perfectly reasonable actions taken in pursuit of doing his job was another.

It was fine. He could deal. It’d been a long mission and a rough flight back, but hardly the worst day of his life. He needed a drink, a shower, and a good night’s sleep — best case scenario, he’d get at least two of the three.

He ran into Finn on the way back to his quarters; Finn took one look at him and grabbed his arm, dragging Poe into a supply closet before he could do anything to stop him.

He looked at Finn, baffled; Finn looked back at him, hopeful.

“Wow,” he heard himself say. "Deja vu."

Finn blinked at him. “What?"

Poe smiled a little. “Is this a rescue?”

“What? No. Shh,” said Finn, and walked right up to him, almost too close to see properly, and then very much too close to see properly.

“Wait—Finn—what—" and it was a hug, at first; warm, all-encompassing. Nothing really out of the ordinary, there, Finn was wonderfully tactile when he let himself be, and Poe couldn’t say he minded.

It was just what Poe needed, actually: he pressed his face into Finn’s shoulder, took a deep breath, and relaxed. Finn smelled like fresh air, like he'd been out in the woods, and Poe spared a minute to worry about himself, whether he still reeked of sweat and over-heated wiring, the typical post-mission olfactory cocktail that was no one’s best friend.

Even if he did, Finn didn't seem to mind; his arms stayed tight around Poe, and his chin rested, endearingly, on Poe's shoulder.

"Hey there," Poe said, eventually. "Everything okay?"

Finn snorted. "Feels like I should be asking you that."

"Me?" Poe said, rubbing Finn's back. "I'm fine," he said, automatically. "I'm always fine."

"No, you're not." Finn pulled back a little, giving him the strangest, saddest look. "I know you're not."

“Hey,” he said, softly, making sure to smile. “You don’t have to worry about me."

Finn didn’t look very impressed. “Because I’ve got enough to worry about?"

“That’s not—“

Finn snorted and leaned into him again, sliding his arm around Poe’s waist, pressing his face against the side of Poe’s neck. It was achingly intimate, so sweet of him, that Poe gave in to the urge to close his eyes, and rubbed fondly at Finn’s back again.

“This is nice,” he said, because it was, and he felt like Finn might need the encouragement.

Finn chuckled. “Yeah?”

 _Yeah_ , he would’ve said. _Yeah, it’s been ages since someone’s held me like this. Or. At all._

Except that he’d barely gotten his mouth open when he noticed where Finn’s hand was headed, and jolted back. Out of Finn’s arms, straight into a shelf full of cleaning supplies, and nearly tripped over a bucket on the way.

“What are you doing?” he said, struggling to keep his voice even, already missing Finn’s warmth.

“I was gonna jerk you off, ” Finn said, as if this was obvious. Which, to be fair, it was.

“You— _why_?"

Finn had on that surprised, confused expression of his, the one Poe had privately started classifying as the _this is not like the First Order at all_ look. Poe’s stomach twisted at the implication, and Finn, seemingly noticing his expression, hesitated. “I…It’ll make you feel better."

“I feel fine!” He didn't, clearly. He took a breath. “Buddy,” he said, weakly, as Finn smiled at him; there was a flicker of something, in the back of his eyes, but the smile was genuine and Poe couldn't help focus on that. He loved seeing Finn smile; the idea that the universe at large had been denied it for so long, that Finn had lacked the opportunity and the impetus to show it off for most of his life, was personally offensive to him.

“C’mon. Let me help you out, okay?"

 _No. You don’t have to. That’s not what I want from you._ The words froze on their way out of his mouth.

He hadn't thought of Finn in that way before. He’d put a lot of effort into not thinking of Finn in that way before, which had been very necessary, because Finn was beautiful. Broad shouldered, gorgeous, _bright_ in a way that could make your heart stop, with big brown eyes you could lose yourself in, if you didn't make the concentrated effort _not_ to think of Finn that way.

Because it was a bad idea. Because he didn't want Finn to feel obligated, because Finn had enough going on in his life, trying to adjust to the Resistance. Because Poe was still not entirely sure where the situation stood with Rey, and he wanted Finn to decide on his own, what he wanted, how, and from whom.

But—

Maybe that was what this was.

Maybe Finn had decided, and this was what he wanted, and the least Poe could do, in this situation, was give him the respect due to a grown man exercising his sexual autonomy.

Or maybe Poe hadn’t gotten laid in a while, and was making excuses for himself. Maybe it was that.

"Do you..." he said, voice cracking, to his eternal embarrassment. "Do you want to? I mean…” He cleared his throat, and looked at Finn head on. “Really?"

Finn's grinned, all vestiges of nervousness gone. "Hell yeah, man!"

Poe pushed away from the wall. "Are you sure?" he said, taking the scant step necessary to put Finn back in range.

Finn grabbed his waist instead of answering, which was, Poe supposed, an answer of its own. Finn's other hand dropped straight to Poe's crotch. Rubbed briskly at his half-hard cock, through his flightsuit, and Poe had to bite his lip to keep from moaning.

And then Finn grinned at him, and Poe was utterly, completely done for.

He inhaled, shakily, even as Finn's hand kept stroking at him. "Hey. Hey, wait a second," he said, almost at a whisper. Finn looked up at him, and Poe reached out, craddled Finn's face in his hands, and kissed him.

Finn froze. His hand stilled, his breathing stopped, and his entire body seemed to seize up.

 _Shit_ , Poe thought. "Sorry—you don't—I thought—but we—" he stammered, moving to pull away, only to find himself reeled back in, as Finn's arm curled around his waist.

"I..." Finn started, swallowing loudly. "It's okay, I—" he stopped, leaned in, and shoved their faces together.

Finn’s nose mashed into his cheek, their teeth clacked, and Finn's lips didn’t move at all, at first, like he didn’t know what to do with his mouth. That should’ve been a bit of a warning sign, obviously, but Poe was thinking solutions, not causes, as much as he was thinking at all. He tipped his head, opened his mouth, trying for gentle instruction that wouldn’t come off as condescending. Moved his lips against Finn’s, and nudged his tongue at Finn’s teeth, which parted instantly. Lapped lightly at Finn’s tongue, and then retreated, waiting for Finn to respond.

It took a moment. Finn's grip on Poe’s hip tightened and loosened, even as his other hand resumed its quick, steady strokes to Poe’s cock through his clothes. His tongue slipped into Poe’s mouth, lapping hesitantly at Poe’s.

Poe smiled, wrapping a hand around Finn’s neck, deepening the kiss. He slide his other hand under Finn’s shirt, feeling the rapid rise and fall of his chest and the soft warmth of his skin. Finn’s muscles twitched against his palm, and his breaths quickened; his fingers fumbled desperately at the buttons of Poe’s flightsuit.

Poe ducked his head, just slightly; his lips slipped from Finn’s with a wet sound, and Finn tried to follow him. “Wait, like…” he started, and Finn kissed him again, a lot better than before, grinning into Poe’s mouth as Poe helped him get the flightsuit open. It may have done more harm than good, but eventually they managed, and Finn’s large, calloused palm wrapped around Poe’s straining cock. Poe groaned into Finn’s mouth, swaying into his grip. He grabbed at Finn’s hips, dragged his fingers along waistband of Finn's pants, almost ripped them open in his hurry to get at Finn’s erection. Finn made a pleased, encouraging sound as his cock surged into Poe’s hand.

They jerked each other off, kissing sloppily, panting into each other’s mouths. Finn’s strokes were quick and smooth and practiced, and he groaned impatiently at Poe, who was still trying to get his mind around the fact that he was having an impromptu quickie in a storage closet like a horny cadet. Finn pushed him back against the shelves, pressed up against him, and wrapped his hand around them both. Poe’s hips twitched, rubbing himself against Finn’s cock, thrusting into Finn’s grip.

“ _Fuck_ ,” he groaned, dropping his forehead to Finn’s shoulder; Finn nuzzled at his hair and rocked up against him.

“Yeah?” Finn said, almost hesitant, as if he couldn’t feel Poe leaking all over him, as if he couldn’t tell Poe was seconds away from coming, if that. Maybe he couldn’t. Maybe Poe should tell him. He swallowed, tried to catch his breath enough to speak and not just pant desperately into Finn’s neck.

“Yeah. Yeah, Finn, I’m gonna—"

“ _Please_ ,” Finn murmured, low and urgent. “Please, I want to…I want to feel you, I…”

And Poe did, all over Finn’s hand and shirt and trousers, and himself, which was going to look suspicious as hell. Especially since Finn followed before Poe was even done, coating both of their stomachs in warm, sticky streaks.

There was silence, for a second, except for the sound of their breathing. Poe sagged against the shelves; something dug into his spine, and it wasn’t comfortable at all, really, but he also didn’t quite feel like moving. Finn shivered against him, rubbing distractedly at Poe’s sides, panting warmly against Poe’s throat. His body felt loose and relaxed against Poe’s, like there was no where else he’d rather be. It was nice.

Actually, Poe would go so far as to say it was great, at least until Finn glanced down at the mess between them, and practically flew back. “Shit. Oh, fuck, Poe, I’m sorry, I didn’t—“ His hands fluttered nervously, fastening his pants again, as his eyes darted around the room. There was more tension in his shoulders than Poe had seen since the Finalizer. “I didn’t think, I should’ve just sucked you off, I—"

“Finn,” he said, buttoning up his own flight suit. Finn, now in the midst of poking through the shelves in the search of something, glanced at him, embarrassment warring with panic in his wide eyes. Poe pushed down his own confusion and resisted the very powerful urge to hug him again, figuring that Finn might need the space right now. “Hey. Talk to me. What’s wrong?"

“People are gonna—people are gonna see, and know that—"

“That I had sex?” Finn threw him a sharp, impatient look, like he was being intentionally dense. Poe had to swallow a smile. “Okay. Look. Come back here, please?"

Finn did, either because Poe had said please or because he'd finally found what he was looking for: a set of absorbent cleaning cloths, apparently. Poe kept still as Finn cleaned him off, and, once he was done, slipped his hand to Finn’s hip. Finn glanced up at him. “Thank you,” Poe said, earnestly, and Finn gave a quick, embarrassed nod before dropping his gaze again. “We’ll just have to be more careful next time,” Poe added, lightly teasing, and Finn’s head jerked up. “I mean…if you want there to—"

“Yes!” Finn said, and then sighed, rolling his eyes. "Yeah, I do,” he mumbled.

“Great,” Poe said, and leaned in to kiss him again. Couldn’t help but notice the way Finn tensed up against him, before his lips parted and he kissed back.

*


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _He’d gotten him off once when he'd needed it, which was fine. But then he’d let Poe kiss him, which had been—too much, already, and then he’d kissed him back, which had been worse. To let it happen again would be selfish; he needed to be more careful from now on, keep his distance. If that meant spending less time around Poe, then so be it._

Somewhere, buried deep within the First Order’s records, among the thousands of data points that made up FN-2187’s existence, were the designations of each stormtrooper he’d ever engaged in sexual contact with, as well as the physical locations, dates, and estimated duration of each encounter. 

Physical assignation had existed in the rare grey area between the expressly forbidden and the actively mandated, allowed so long as they were self-reported, consensual, and infrequent. The punishment for hiding an encounter was severe; the consequences for allowing such encounters to be repeated into anything approaching real relationships were catastrophic. But amidst the rush of euphoria that came from completing a simulation adequately (and FN-2187 was very good at simulations), the cold and loneliness of guarding a desolated planet, and the general, systemic lack of any other kind of physical contact—well, shit happened.

He hadn’t mentioned that, in any of the extensive debriefings he’d had with various Resistance officers. Wasn’t about to bring it up to Poe, either, not when Poe had this way of looking at him sometimes, like he was small and useless and in need of looking after. 

Small, useless things in need of looking after had not fared well in the First Order.

Things were different here.

Finn understood that, logically. But logically, he also understood that the Resistance generally and Poe Dameron specifically were running on fumes and held together by dual shoestrings of hope and idealism. Neither could really afford to indulge weakness, not for long, for all that their big hearts and moral centers told them to, and Finn wasn’t about to let them. 

Wasn’t about to let _him_ , especially, not when Poe had done so much for him, and asked for nothing in return. Wasn’t going to be a distraction to someone who was already so achingly vulnerable. He’d gotten him off once when he'd needed it, which was fine. But then he’d let Poe kiss him, which had been—too much, already, and then he’d kissed him back, which had been worse. To let it happen again would be selfish; he needed to be more careful from now on, keep his distance. If that meant spending less time around Poe, then so be it. 

“Credit for your thoughts?"

Finn glanced up.

Poe, who was dressed in civilian clothes for once, including a new, dark grey jacket, smiled softly at him. “What are you thinking about?” Poe clarified, cheerful curiosity almost entirely masking his persistent undercurrent of concern. “You’ve got this…” he waved his hand in front of his own face. “Real serious kinda look goin’ there, buddy. You okay?”

Finn shrugged, dropping his gaze to empty plate in front of him. He’d taken too much, again, and eaten too fast, as usual; the result of twenty-plus years of specifically apportioned meals and 15 minute meal times clashing against total culinary freedom. He still wasn’t sure if it was the actual food or his hard-wired eating habits that always left him feeling slightly queasy. 

He heard Poe’s gentle huff of laughter, and felt Poe's knees bump against his under the table, playful and comforting, even as Poe kept eating and the silence settled between them again.

At least until a metal tray banged down onto the table next to him. “Hey, so, this a private party, or do guys want some company?” said Snap, grinning and nodding back at Iolo, Jess, and Karé.

Poe threw Finn a questioning look. Finn wasn’t sure why; he wasn’t their commander, Poe was, and they were Poe’s friends, not his. Either way, it wasn’t his permission they needed. He shrugged, and Poe stared at him for a moment longer. Then he shook his head, like he might say no, and Finn jumped up.

“Go ahead, sit, I’m done anyway, so—” He could feel Poe still looking at him, so he forced a smile. Could sense the rest of the pilots trying to wave him back down, but shook his head. It didn’t make any sense for him to stay and take up seat when he was done eating, and really, this was a great start to his plan of avoiding Poe, and it was better to leave him with friends than totally alone, which would’ve been cruel.

It was good—a _great_ start to a good plan. 

Finn told himself that, as he deposited the tray back on the racks with its brethren and made his way out of the mess. 

“Hey! Hey, Finn, wait!”

He turned back; Poe was jogging up to him, and walked right up into Finn’s space, close enough that Finn could smell the caf he’d been drinking, could almost feel his warmth. Finn remembered, suddenly, viciously, what it felt like to have that warmth pressed against him. Poe’s hands twitched, as if to reach out and touch him, and then dropped to his sides. He lowered his voice, leaned even closer. “Are you sure you’re okay?"

“No,” he said, sharper than he meant. He was tired. Tired of Poe asking him, tired of Poe _needing_ to ask him. 

Poe’s only reaction to that was to smile, again. _Bastard_. “Come on,” Poe said, nodding down the hallway, then turned, hands in the pockets of his jacket, and started to walk away.

“Come _on_?"

Poe threw a quick grin over his shoulder and kept walking, somehow trusting that Finn would follow. Finn did, knowing it probably wouldn’t end well; it would be rude not too, and then he’d have to explain, and Poe would try and talk him out of it, and he just might manage.

Poe led him all the way outside, past the hangars, the storage units, the repair sheds. Further off base than Finn’d been since he’d been brought there, useless and unconscious.

“Where are we going?” he asked, finally.

“I don’t know.” Poe looked at him, not at all subtly, out of the corner of his eye. “Guess I just felt like a walk."

“A walk?” 

Poe slowed his pace as they reached a break in the trees, letting Finn catch up with him.

"Was getting kind of crowded back there, right?” Poe said, casually, as if leaving all his friends behind to wander the woods with Finn was what he’d _wanted_ to do with his afternoon. Finn nodded, though, and Poe let out a short chuckle, shoving his hands back into the pockets of his jacket. “You still hungry?"

“Nah,” Finn said. “Always eat too much.” 

“It’s not too much if that’s how hungry you are."

Finn shrugged. He knew Poe was trying to be comforting, he got that. But he wasn’t quite sure how else to respond, and Poe just chuckled again, and they kept walking. 

“You do this a lot?” Finn asked, for want of anything to else to say.

“Not really.” Poe glanced over at him, and then at the ground. “I like it, though. Reminds me of home, a little. Trees are different, but…” he trailed off, shrugged. “Anyway. Think there’s a little—pond a few minutes away. You wanna check it out?"

“Sure,” Finn said, more curious about the slight flush on Poe’s cheeks than the potential for a natural water source. 

They walked along a little slower than they needed to, probably; Poe pointed out the occasional furred animal in the underbrush, tiny things that Finn had never heard of or noticed before. 

Their shoulders bumped a couple of times; Finn couldn’t really say whose fault that’d been, but fully took the blame for not putting a stop to it. 

The pond was, as Finn had suspected, not terribly interesting on its own: the water was covered in some sort of green film, and stirred, occasionally, by the movement of something underneath, but Poe seemed to like looking at it. Sat down on a log as if to get a better, extended view, and Finn joined him. 

Poe flashed him a quick smile, and then leaned over a little, clasped his hands in front of him. Rested his elbows on his knees, and stared at the still water ahead of him for a while. Finn watched the way breeze ruffled his curls, the way his shoulders flexed under his new jacket. The tips of his ears were slightly pink. 

He glanced over at Finn again, then away. Cleared his throat, and then spoke: “So I was thinking—”

“Can I kiss you?” 

Poe sat up instantly and turned to look straight at him. "Of course.”

There was no _of course_ about it: it was entirely the opposite of the deal he’d made with himself, but having blurted it out like an idiot, now he had to actually _go through with it_. Poe smiling at him didn’t help, though he got the feeling Poe thought it might. Finn took a breath and scooted over toward him, getting a good look at his face.

That he was more beautiful up close wasn’t news, or much of a surprise. Finn had done this before, after all. Though Poe had started it then, and it was different when it was out in the open like this, with so much light, and—Poe’s brow furrowed; he looked worried, slightly concerned, confused. Of course he was—this was a bad idea, and if even Poe could see that, then what was Finn even doing?

Finn dropped his gaze. “Sorry.” 

“It’s—” Poe’s hand was on his arm, light, but radiating warmth. "Hey, it’s okay. Do you want me to…?” 

Of course he wanted him to. But also—he wanted him to not _have_ to. He wanted to be brave enough to do it himself, to lean in and do something that seemed to have come so naturally to Poe. He wanted to have something to offer Poe, something other than awkwardness and raw, impulsive need. He found himself nodding, eyes on the ground, still. 

“Hey,” Poe said, softly; his hand stroked up along Finn’s arm, from the crook of his elbow, up to his shoulder, along the side of his throat. His thumb traced across Finn’s jaw. “Close your eyes, okay?"

He looked up. “Why?"

Poe’s lips twitched. “It makes it a little easier. Trust me."

Finn closed his eyes. 

Felt Poe’s other hand cradling the back of his head, holding him still. And then Poe’s breath whispered high against his cheek, almost by his ear, followed by a light press of his lips. 

“You missed,” Finn found himself whispering, and Poe chuckled.

“Shh,” he murmured, leaving a trail of quick, soft kisses from the side of Finn's face to the corner of his mouth. Finn found himself reaching out for Poe’s shirt, clutching at the soft fabric as Poe’s mouth met his. 

It wasn’t an entirely new experience, but it was different like this — Finn could feel the sun, filtered through the leaves above them, but still warm on his face. He could hear the rustle of leaves, smell grass around them, and beyond that, the leather of Poe’s jacket, the vague scent of fuel and electrical wiring that Poe always seemed to carry.

He’d been too distracted to notice much else at the time, but Finn remembered having opened his mouth before, the feeling of Poe’s tongue against his — he let his lips part, leaned in. Poe smiled, turning his head a little; the angle shift had their noses sliding against each other, and their mouths making this strangely loud, wet sound.

He ducked his head again, suddenly embarrassed. 

“Sorry,” he panted.

“Don’t be.” He could practically hear Poe smiling, but when Finn hazarded a glance, he wasn’t wearing that soft, worried look that’d started putting Finn on edge: he was flushed, dark eyed, with red, still-parted lips. 

“Don’t know what to do with my hands,” Finn said; he was breathless, hazy-brained, still grasping helplessly at Poe’s shirt. 

Poe nuzzled his nose against Finn’s and made something of a show of running his palms down along Finn’s arms. “What d’you wanna do with your hands?"

Touch all of him. Hold onto him. Keep him as close, as _safe_ , as possible, though Finn knew better than most just how futile that kind of impulse would always be. 

He grabbed the ends of Poe’s jacket and yanked him in. 

Poe laughed into the kiss, which was rougher than Finn’d meant for it to be; Poe didn’t seem to mind, going so far as to wrap an arm around the back of Finn’s neck and swing a leg over Finn’s lap, straddling him. Pulled back just enough to murmur “Okay?” into the scant breathless inch between them. Finn dropped one hand to Poe’s hip, slipping the other under Poe’s jacket, up Poe’s back, and nodded.

Poe’s mouth met his again, more of a joint effort this time than the desperate assault Finn had inflicted on him before. Kneeling over Finn’s lap, Poe nestled against him, impossibly warm; so close that Finn could feel his chest rise with each inhale of breath, could feel him trembling, or maybe that was Finn. Could feel Poe’s erection against his stomach; reached for it, sliding his hand over from its steady grip on Poe’s hip.

Poe pulled back again, far enough to meet his eyes this time. “I didn’t—” Poe looked down at him, swallowed hard. “Didn’t bring you out here for this, okay?”

“I know.” He hadn’t; he hadn’t thought about it, actually, not even considered the possibility. But Poe thought it was important for Finn to know, and so he was glad to. He smiled, and Poe blushed again, ducking his head. 

“Okay. Okay, _good_ ,” Poe said under his breath, before taking a slow, deep breath, as if preparing himself to say something else. Finn let his fingers trail along Poe’s waist in the meantime, slipping them under Poe’s shirt and against the smooth, twitching skin of his stomach, the warm planes of his back. Poe let out a quick, strangled “ _Fuck_ ,” before lifting his head, putting his mouth in range again. 

Their eyes met, for a moment: Poe’s eyes were dark and hooded, but somehow still sharp, bright, _focused_ like Finn’d never seen them before. And then Finn kissed him, wrapping his arm around his waist, drawing him back in. Held him steady, and held him close. 

In that moment, it felt like the best idea in the world.

*


	3. Chapter 3

"We can go back to my room, you know,” Poe said, breathless.

Finn stopped kissing his neck, and pulled back. “Why?” he said, genuinely curious, but in the _This Is Not Like The First Order At All_ voice that sometimes came with the face. Oh, Finn.

“Well," Poe said, carefully. “As fun as neckin’ in the supply closet is, one of these days someone’s actually gonna need some spare bandages. Don’t wanna give some poor new recruit the shock of their lives, right?"

Finn’s eyes narrowed, as if he could tell Poe wasn’t being totally upfront. Poe reached out to him again, ran his hands down Finn’s arms. “And…I like havin’ you around, you know? I was just—"

“Do you want me to fuck you or something?"

“Finn,” Poe said, calm as he could, pushing down the rising panic and guilt, and peered through the darkness at Finn’s face. “Finn, all I’m sayin’ is…we don’t need to be sneaking around, all right? But we don’t have to do anything you don’t—"

Finn took a step back, and then another.

“I…” he started, then shook his head. “I’ll see you later, okay?” he said, turned on his heel, and left.

“…okay,” said Poe, sagging back against the shelves, and caught his breath.

*

He saw Finn later, but only from a distance — across the mess, jogging around the base, and one memorable and very flattering occasion, diving around a corner the minute he saw Poe coming.

Poe tried not to take it personally. They had other things to worry about, at the moment — General Organa was not likely to care that the reason Poe had been so unfocused lately was because his maybe-boyfriend, possibly-friend-with-benefits, most likely former-friend-with-former-benefits had been intentionally avoiding him for three days. And Finn, per the grapevine gossip Poe knew to believe only half of, was prepping for some kind of off-the-books extraction mission within First Order territory. Rumor was, he’d volunteered for it; Poe believed that of him, admired him for it, and just hoped he hadn’t run out and signed up just because Poe had suggested quickies in a supply closet wasn’t the pinnacle of relationship possibilities.

“You’re staring.”

Poe turned around. Snap’s eyebrows were raised. “What?”

“At Finn. You’re staring.”

Staring was a strong word — he’d been watching, as Finn walked with a bunch of new recruits, taking them around the base, in no position to disappear suddenly because he noticed Poe was around. Poe shrugged.

Snap chuckled, and nudged his elbow into Poe’s arm. “So how's that going?"

“Good. Finn’s really settling in, he’s done with physical therapy, I think they’re trying him out as a rescue and retrieval agent, I think, and —“ Snap snorted, interrupting Poe’s train of thought. “What?”

“I meant, how’s it goin’ with the two of you keep sneaking off to make out in the supply closet."

Poe blinked, and considered his options: blanket denial seemed unlikely to work, evasion seemed too much of an effort. Honesty it was, then.

“I think it’s gone, actually."

“What? _Why?_ You go full Dameron on him already?”

Poe rolled his eyes. “Nice,” he said. “From my own friend."

“Poe—"

“I just don’t think we’re in a good place for…” Poe took a breath, hated the fact that he’d been reduced to discussing his relationship prospects like a teenager. “Anything."

“You _think?_ ” Snap said, and sighed. Brought his hand up to — dramatically, pointedly — pinch the bridge of his nose. “You haven’t actually talked to him about it, have you?"

The last time Poe had tried to have a discussion with Finn about it, he’d ended up getting grass stains on his new jacket and coming in his pants like a sixteen year old, so that was easier said than done.

He told Snap so; Snap just smirked at him. “Most things are, in my experience."

“Thanks for the words of wisdom, _Temmin_.”

Snap let that go. “Look,” he said. “We all like Finn."

“ _I_ like Finn."

“Yeah, I know you like Finn. I don’t think any of us like Finn as much as you like Finn. But he’s just a kid—"

“He’s not _just_ a _kid_ , Wexley.” Poe took a breath, steadying himself. “He’s an adult. He’s been through hell. He’s acclimating to—this, just like anyone would. I don’t—I shouldn’t make it more complicated."

“Okay. But you, standing around, staring at him like a—"

“ _Snap_."

“I think that’s not exactly makin’ it simple, either.”

*

He looked for Finn — not because of what Snap said, but because it was time. He was easy enough to find: late at night, or what passed for it on this planet, when he couldn’t sleep, Finn liked to go to the range and log some practice hours with his blaster.

And while Poe couldn’t be entirely sure Finn was having trouble sleeping lately, something about him, the stiffness of his shoulders, the glaze of his eyes, certainly pointed in that direction.

Even like that — sleep deprived, hyper focused on the glowing figures ahead of him — Finn noticed him immediately.

“Sorry,” he said, eyes fixed on the far end of the range, awaiting the next holographic target.

Poe blinked. “For what?”

“For—“ he glanced over, then away. “Before."

The green-light outline of a TIE fighter swooped before them — Finn’s blaster shot hit it with ease.

“Okay,” said Poe. “I—“ he took a step toward Finn, trying to read his features. “Did I say something—"

“No.” Another quick, precise shot brought down a speeding assailant. Finn glanced at him. “No, I just…I didn’t know what to say."

“Okay,” said Poe, who felt slightly less than, but wasn’t about to let it show. “You can be honest with me, buddy. I’m not gonna—I’m not gonna be mad. If you don’t want this…” he waved vaguely between them. “If you want it to stop, or not go any further, I’m not gonna push you. It’s up to you, y’know?"

Finn dropped his gaze, and nodded. “I don’t…” he shook his head, glanced up and then away. “I’m not sure what _further_ would be."

Poe blinked. “You mean…” _fucking_ , part of Poe wanted to say, for clarity’s sake, but it seemed wrong to puncture a delicate moment like that. “Intercourse?” he tried, instead, and Finn rolled his eyes, clearly unimpressed.

“I mean, more than sex.” He looked up at Poe then. “We didn’t do that, in…we weren’t allowed to be with people like that. They knew we’d screw around so they let that happen but…more than that…boyfriends, girlfriends…they didn’t like that. There were consequences. We weren’t supposed to…"

“Fall in love?” Poe offered, trying to keep his automatic, instinctual concern for Finn and the rising anger at what Finn'd been through from his expression — he’d started to get the feeling that it made Finn uncomfortable, which was the last thing Poe wanted.

Finn nodded, and dropped his gaze again. Shrugged a little, and then put his blaster down. “People did, sometimes."

_Did you?_ Poe desperately wanted to ask — it was almost out of his mouth, but Finn started talking and he didn’t want to interrupt.

“I mean — Officers had certain…privileges. You’d hear rumors — something more permanent. Families. Partners. Stuff like that. Another incentive to stay loyal, I guess. Move up the ranks. Have a chance at that,” Poe took a step toward him — Finn stayed still, didn’t seem to mind Poe’s hand on his arm, even went so far as to turn toward him. “They tracked us — everything about us. How much we ate. How much we weighed. How much — how many damn shots we made with our— I mean, our _heart rates_ , they tracked that, of _course_ they knew when we were getting off, and how."

“Finn—"

“Yeah?"

“No one’s keeping track, here. You can eat when you want. Sleep when you want. Be with who you want, or not, I mean — you don’t have to do anything."

“I know that,” Finn said, flat — because it was obvious, because Poe was coming across as condescending.

“I know you do,” he said, too quickly. “I just — I know it’s complicated. Bein’ with someone, it’s hard, even without…your history. How things are now, it’s never gonna be easy. But...I like you. I like you a hell of a lot. And if that’s somethin’ you’re interested in — if _I’m_ something you’re interested in — then I’m here, okay? And if it’s not, I’ll still be — your friend. If you want that.” Finn was still looking at him — intent and serious, absurdly attractive for it. Poe pulled back, needing the distance to think a little more clearly. “I just—I just wanted you to know."

Finn nodded. “Okay,” he said, and, more quietly: “Thank you."

“No problem!” said Poe, too loudly for the space, and then beat a strategic retreat, all the way back to his quarters.

*

He fully planned to spend most of the night beating himself up over his awkwardness, but was interrupted, about half an hour later, by a knock on his door.

“Hi,” said Finn, looking slightly terrified, but mostly determined. “Can we talk?"

“Of course,” he said, too quick, and took a breath. _Steady on, Dameron_. “Come on in."

Finn did. Sat down on Poe’s bunk. Stared, straight ahead, palms flat on his thighs, even as Poe approached him.

Rigid, regimental posture — _eyes front, soldier_ , said the line of his shoulders — and Poe was careful when he sat down, not too close, not to quick.

Finn turned toward him instantly.

“I—"

“You—"

They spoke together, and then laughed; Finn turned away, took a breath of his own, and Poe dropped his gaze.

Glanced up again, and Finn was looking at him. “Can we just—“ he waved a hand between them.

Poe gulped. “Yeah. Sure. I—you…” _Get it together, Dameron._ He shook his head. Leaned in a little, and then looked up at Finn’s face. Smiled. “Do you wanna…you know...” he nodded, and looked down at Finn’s mouth.

Finn nodded back, quick and determined, and then lunged forward. Came to a stop an inch away from Poe’s face, one bare breath between their mouths, and then it was gone, the space between them, and it was just _Finn_ — his warmth, his scent. The soft sounds he made as Poe leaned into him, as he gave Finn’s lips a swift, playful lick.

Finn wrapped an arm around Poe’s waist, and Poe curled his palm around the back of Finn’s neck.

It was good.

It was — very good. Having Finn close to him again, touching him again. Tasting Finn’s mouth and feeling Finn’s tongue press up against his own. It was so good he almost didn’t notice them tipping, didn’t realize Finn was falling back, bringing Poe with him, till Finn was on his back and Poe was leaning over him.

“Oh,” Poe said, brilliantly. Finn was looking up at him, all parted lips and soft eyes. “Hi,” he offered, weakly, and Finn laughed — a warm, steady rumble beneath him, against Poe’s stomach.

“Hi,” Finn said, smiling a little.

“C’mere,” Poe said, but was the one to lean in, to cover Finn’s body with his own, to press him into the mattress.

Finn didn’t seem to mind — opened his mouth, parted his thighs. Poe could feel his erection — they were both hard, but not desperate to do something about it yet. Poe could also feel his hands, running up and down Poe’s shoulders, his back. His hips jerked up against Poe’s — Poe grinned and ground down against him, slow and deliberate.

They kissed like that — all panted breaths and squirming thrusts, tongues stroking and teeth clacking — for a while.

Poe pulled back a little, nuzzling his nose against Finn’s. Gave in to the temptation to lean in, steal another quick kiss before speaking.

“Okay?” he said, eventually.

“Uh-huh,” Finn said, dark eyes warm, hooded, as he tipped his head back — Poe wanted to kiss his neck, and did. Finn hummed happily.

“Like that?” Poe said, and sucked lightly at the skin there. Finn’s chest heaved and he whined, a low, breathless sound. “Yeah?”

“Mm-hm,” Finn said, and Poe leaned up again.

“And this?” Poe said, tongue flickering against Finn’s lips — Finn lifted his head, brought their mouths together. Sucked on Poe’s tongue, and rolled his hips.

_Obviously_ , he seemed to be saying, or maybe that was just Poe, feeling guilty for having asked, for not being sure.

Finn let his head fall back against Poe’s pillow. Poe didn’t follow him right away.

“Not everyone…” he said. “It’s good to ask. Not everyone likes everything."

“Huh,” Finn said, looking like Poe’s either said something terrible profound or stupidly obvious, and he wasn’t sure which.

“I mean, everyone likes different things, y’know? Not everyone you kiss is going to—"

“Who else d'you…” Finn let out a soft little moan and Poe had to take a breath. “Who else do you think I’m going to be kissing?”

A few names came to mind, but Poe pushed them away. Finn was here now. Under him, warm and solid and panting. Poe wasn’t going to think about anything but that.

*

And, for a while, he didn’t: kisses and casual, thoughtless friction gave way to desperate, determined strokes, Poe slipping his hand into Finn’s pants and jerking him off. Finn looked up at him the whole time, hips thrusting into Poe’s grip, eyelashes fluttering, mouth struggling to form words that never quite left his lips. He came with a groan and Poe grinned, chest suddenly full of fond, fluttering warmth.

And then Finn pushed him over. Pressed him into the mattress. Kissed his cheek, his neck — a quick, sure trail down Poe’s chest, and then — lower.

Finn’s mouth was hot and wet and — perfect. Like the rest of him, good and glorious and _too much._ And he was good at it — all steady, powerful suction and slow bobs of the head. Poe came too quickly, but felt no shame in it — stroked Finn’s head, and sighed as Finn crawled back up to him.

“You’ve done that before,” Poe said.

Finn grinned, taking it for the compliment it was. “Yeah, you know. Coupla times."

“In the—“ Poe was never sure how to broach the subject, and was glad not to have to go any further; Finn nodded.

“You get bored, you know? Only so many times you can pledge eternal allegiance to the First Order.”

Poe wasn’t sure whether to laugh at that or not — the heady swirl of post coital hormones made the decision for him, set him giggling, and Finn grinned. Leaned into his space, and kissed his lips again.

When he pulled back, his smile had faded. “I should go,” he said, soft.

“You could stay,” said Poe, automatically.

Finn blinked. “I…” he started, and dropped his gaze, shaking his head. Looked up, met Poe’s gaze head on. “Okay,” he said, sudden and sure. “Okay. I’ll stay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey maybe next chapter _won't_ take another full year to get up! DARE TO DREAM.
> 
> (the bulk of this was written/outlined pre-TLJ so I would say it's mostly not TLJ-compliant -- I may go back and retrofit parts of it but...probably not)


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